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Commentary’ Category

Packin’ Heat – Airline Pilot Cabin Announcement

April 28th, 2012

AirplanePorn PIC (Porn In Command!)

This is a classic bit that came out after 9/11, but totally worth hearing every now and then.

I wish MY airplane pilots had such nice toys For what it’s worth, I’m totally for arming all the airplane pilots and flight attendants. Let’s arm the ground crew too. A little less TSA and a little more HEAT! Who’s with me?

Click below to listen…

Packin’ Heat – Classic Airline Pilot Cabin Announcement

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Just Fix The Seats Upright Please

April 15th, 2011

AirplanePorn PIC (Porn In Command!)

To the jerk that reclined the seat 2 inches in front of my face, thank you. Your a-hole status is once again cemented firmly in place.

What purpose can reclining your seat so little serve? Surely you are not that much more comfortable that it’s worth making your rearward seat mate miserable? Oh right, your the bastard that doesn’t care.

Well I Think the airlines should bolt em upright.

I mean flying commercial in the United States is miserable enough. Once you get through the TSA patdown, find your gate, climb on board, find a spot for your bag, and finally settle into your cramped seat – BOOM, your rewarded with some selfish bastard sticking his seat in your face.

Oh and I love it when you get your knees jammed too. You know when they can’t put their seat back cause you got no place for your knees? Then of course then they rock back and forth because the idiot in front of you thinks the seat is jammed. They don’t realize it’s because your legs are stuck and have nowhere to go.

We could all save some hassle too. The flight attendants wouldn’t have to politely ask people 500 times “please put your seat upright for takeoff”. I bet they have dreams of strangling the idiots that think they can pull a fast on and have that reclined seat for takeoff/landing.

So please Mr. Airline CEO, bolt the damn seats upright.

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Life In The Fast Lane

April 14th, 2011

AirplanePorn PIC (Porn In Command!)

Sitting here somewhere around 32,000 feet, the only good thing about being in the back of an airliner is that I’m finally getting some time to return to being PIC (Pornmaster In Command) by writing another segment for your amusement.

I want life to crawl by at Piper Cub speeds. In reality I’m flying Mach 2 – I’m lost and running low on gas. Not that I’m complaining.

Finally I have some time to devote to the madness known as AirplanePorn. So I thought I would kick out some idea of what’s in store.

This summer us going to be a busy one! The good folks at the EAA sent me an email that our media pass was approved! So I’m officially looking for some minions to join me at #OSH11 to help with stories and photo shoots. This year I’m going to focus on making epic portraits of not just the airplanes, but the incredible people who fly them. If you have some suggestions hit me up.

I’m planning on publishing some more photography how-to’s. I recently attended the Flash Bus tour in Houston, Tx. Well, it’s now like it sounds. The only flashing that was going on was from the battery-eating camera flashes. There, I got to learn from David Hobby and Joe McNally, two amazing photographers. As a bonus, I got to pose for Joe Mc’Frikin Nally as he lit me to look like the evil dude that I am. As I push my photography skills, be prepared for some amazing shots.

I’ve also got some product reviews lined up. I’ll be taking a look at some of the industries best products and telling you exactly what I think of them. If you got something to sell, send me one and I’ll be sure to get the word out.

And if I ever get around to finish editing, I’ll be posting an interview from ThePilotReport.com. Over at TPR they blog about the coolest aviation software for the iPad.

Speaking of iPad, I finally broke down and bought one. I bought a keyboard for it too. So I’ll be able to keep the ramblings a’ coming on AirplanePorn.

Chris – AP PIC

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Guns Anyone?

February 24th, 2011

AirplanePorn PIC (Porn In Command!)

Here is an interesting article. A TSA undercover agent slips past TSA security FIVE times. Yes FIVE times with a gun in her “under-garmet”….So here is living proof that the TSA is not very good at detecting things. Common, FIVE times. Like once or twice can be chocked up to a statistical anomaly, and outlier in the data. But 5 times? That’s repeatability brother.

So here’s my proposal. Guns.

I know you’re think I must be crazy. Well the president has said we MUST have healthcare as an individual right? So let’s mandate GUNS. Remember this country was practically built on bullets. From the American Revolution up. So lets mandate that every able mind/body citizen over 18 own a gun. And let’s fine the ones that don’t. What are they charging for healthcare? Something like a $5,000 penalty?

I bet crime will go down. It will cost a lot less for the cops.

And then we can bring them on airplanes. Hijack? I don’t think so. We’ll still have to worry about some A-hole trying to sneak a bomb on the airplane, but at least grandma won’t be losing her knitting needles anymore.

What do you think? Post your comments below.

http://consumerist.com/2011/02/undercover-tsa-agent-makes-it-through-full-body-scanner-with-loaded-gun.html

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Whirly Birds vs Jet Pilots

February 7th, 2011

AirplanePorn PIC (Porn In Command!)

OK, So first off this is totally NSFW (NOT Safe For Work). So if you’re readin’ a little porn during you lunch hour I would skip this one and watch it when you get home an prop your feet up for the night.

Second, I don’t have a dog in this hunt. I’m neither a heli pilot or a jet pilot, sadly. My 172 goes just fast enough to scare me (OK, with students in it). I have flown some high performance twins like the Cessna 310 and King Air 90, but nothin’ that’s burning jet fuel faster than I can pay for it.

So without further ado – I bring you the epic heli pilots vs jet pilot. You descide who wins.

Post your comments below. Oh and please, I have enough fake Gucci purses (not really) and really big dildos, so comments with links to those websites (and other crappy stuff that has nothing to do with aviation) will be marked as spam.

Enjoy!

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First Solo Jitters

February 6th, 2011

AirplanePorn PIC (Porn In Command!)

It occurred to me as I was solo’ing Stephan this morning, that I think the instructor is way more nervous than the student during a first solo! Stephen climbed into the airplane, cranked up the trust Lycoming and taxied out to 18L at KNEW (Lakefront Airport, New Orleans, LA).

I sat there and watched. My headset plugged into the handheld radio, I followed his radio calls – pacing the ramp between two 172′s.

This day has been a long time coming for Stephan, about two and a half years. He had attended one of those small “technical” colleges where he told me the instruction was poor and the only thing they were really good at was taking his money.

So we started flying twice a weekend. We worked on landings, then radio calls. We spent what seemed like countless hours working the pattern at Slidell, LA (KASD) our local “uncontrolled” airport. It really wasn’t that much, but when you’re the instructor, a trip around the pattern seems to take forever.

Stephan got better, a lot better. Last week he rode with our resident check instructor for his pre-solo check ride. He passed with flying colors.

So today was the day.

Congratulations Stephan! Now I’m gonna go find a Valium….

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